Sick Babies

How does he expect me to chose between my kids and my job? I was told this morning that my job is more important than anything else in this world. To me its not. If both of my babies are sick, throwing up- and he refuses to stay home with them. What am I supposed to do? He expects me to still send them to his sisters house. He says, its my sister, and I said, its a DAYCARE. My Mom was going to take my older one today, but that was kind of iffy because my Dad shouldn't be exposed to any sickness. His immune system is way down, and I don't want to be the fault of him getting REALLY sick. And with both kids with my Mom, that's an even bigger chance. I can't afford to not go to work because I won't get paid. And since my husband can't keep up on the mortgage payment, if I miss today, it fucks us again. It will be my fault we're living on the streets because the mortgage won't get paid, because I need to be a mother and stay home with my sick kids. Becuase Daddy finds every excuse in the book to not stay home with them.
I am just ripping my heart out right now....

OOps...

Ok, changed my mind, and I do NOT want another one,... Not really sure what I was thinking...

CRAZY Feeling

So, I am crazy with my 2 kiddies... we only have a 2 bedroom house... and I said I would never want to do the whole baby thing again... But I want another one.

Changes

So... Here I am. I should be rushing around to get the kids up and out the door. I am waiting on some clothes to dry... both my kids took a bath and have clean clothes on them, so I don't need to find them clothes for daycare.. and I have Zoey's school clothes in the dryer with mine getting the wrinkles out! I hate ironing!!
I have half my Christmas decorations up. We have had our tree up, but I have only been able to muster getting the lights on it. This weekend. It's my goal to have all the Christmas boxes back out in the garage, empty.
I think I have really quit smoking! I started taking Chantix. It doesn't seem to have a huge effect on me. I just need to make sure I eat right before I take it. Not sure if its making me more drowsy than I normally would be. It could be, but I am living with it. It does give me headaches every now and then, but they go away once it seems the drug is disolved in my body. I lit a smoke last night and it tasted like I was eating the ash try, so I got about 3 drags and put it out. And haven't had the desire to have one! I am very exited!
Also, in January I am going on weight watchers. I was doing it before, right before I had gotten married and did very well. We'll see how I do this time... I'm about 30 lbs heavier than back then... and last night My Mom said that once I set my goal, if I meet my goal, or at least lose a significant amount of weight, she will buy me a bunch of new outfits. I'm down! I love new clothes!
So now its time to start rushing around.... I'm going through a lot of emotional changes... and it seems to keep getting better. I just have to wait it out.

:) Have a great Tuesday!

I Am Thankful For...

The partner who hogs the covers every night, because he is not out with someone else.

The child who is not cleaning his room, but is watching TV, because that means he Is at home and not on the streets.

For the taxes that I pay, because it means that I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party, because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.

For the clothes that fit a little too snug, because it means I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work, because it means I am in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing, because it means I have a home.

For the parking spot I find at the farend of the parking lot, because It means I am capable of
walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating/cooling bill, because it means I am warm/refreshed.

For the lady behind me in church thatsings off key, because it means thatI can hear.

For the pile of laundry and Ironing, because it means I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day, because it means I have been capable of working hard.

For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours, because it means I am alive.

And finally...

For too much e-Mail, because it means I have friends who are thinking of me.